What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize