Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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