The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
worst night to have a conscience
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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