Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
