how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
