Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
