I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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