Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
