I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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