im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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