Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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