glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
