I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
