Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
