man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
