don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
