bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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