She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
