lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
