i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
