well I can't set my house on fire every night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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