shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize