he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
