Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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