Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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