so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
