I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
