Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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