My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
