Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
