Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Randomize
