I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
