then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
