My brain says no but my pants say off.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
