How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
