dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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