she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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