My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
