just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
