fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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