Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
