i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
