Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize