You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize