Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
