I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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