i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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