Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
