I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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