he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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