So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
