I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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