YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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