The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
3pm strippers are depressing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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