Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
