Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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