when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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