You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize