idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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