Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
