I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
