No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
