he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
