You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
