Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
