Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were trust falling into bushes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
