Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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